The Twelve Labors of Cyborg
by Oboebyrd
Summary: Cyborg broke Starfire's favorite photograph, so he has to fix it. Going to the Photo Shop shouldn't be this hard... Finished!
1. Temporary Insanity

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_I don't own Teen Titans, but I do own this story. Not that that does much for me. I mean… I own some fanfiction! What am I going to do with it? I can't sell it… or anything… but if I see it reproduced without my written consent, you're going to be in biiiig trouble. Plagiarism is punished with whips. _

_Summary: Cyborg is under appreciated. Thus he gets a story centered around him. And I also get an excuse to pound more Greek Mythology into your heads. You people WILL learn something! _

~~~~~

**Temporary Insanity**

~~~~~

"Here?"

"No. Lower."

"Here?"

"A little to the right…"

"_Here?"_

"Down a little bit…"

"DAMMIT MAKE UP YOUR MIND!" Cyborg shouted at the top of his lungs. He wheeled around- the picture frame he had been holding liberated itself from his grip, and went flying across the room, hitting the far wall and shattering into about a million pieces. The photo, a picture of all five of the Teen Titans playing football (Raven standing at the very edge of the picture with an unhappy, forced smile) looked weak and helpless separated from the frame.

Starfire's eyes teared up. Her lips began to tremble. And Cyborg was immediately ashamed. 

"Listen Star, I'm sorry, but… er…" contritely he scrambled over to where the remains of the picture frame and the now-homeless photograph were, and tried to clean them up. He carefully picked up the picture- a piece of glass hung onto the edge, before tumbling off and falling knife-like back to the ground.

Timidly, Cyborg stepped back over towards Starfire, holding the picture out to her. Starfire snatched it, hugged it close for a minute, and then pulled it back. She stared carefully at it. For a moment, Cyborg just stood there, not really quite certain what to do… Starfire didn't look like she was going to _cry anymore (which he couldn't handle- he hated it when girls cried) but still a hint of misery tugged at the corners of her mouth. "The edge of the picture has been torn," she mumbled, her voice wavering slightly._

"We could just cut off that part…" Cyborg suggested hopefully, looking for _any way to divert this situation without getting a starbolt in the chest, or having Starfire mad at him for the next week and a half like the __last time he had broken something._

He blinked, realizing that Starfire had wheeled around to face him, her green eyes glowing with an almost deranged light. Cyborg took a step back. "Star…?"

"We must not deface the picture more than has already been done!" Starfire wailed, not shouting at the top of her lungs, but close enough. "If we cut off the damaged piece than we will not be able to see the happy smile of friend Raven!" The golden-skinned alien shoved the picture in Cyborg's face to show him.

Indeed, the small tear in the edge of the photograph had strayed into the picture itself- probably from the added stress of Starfire waving it around, but Cyborg decided to stay quiet. And, if they cut off the part that had been damaged, then most of Raven's head was going to go with it. Cyborg gave the photograph a long, studious look. He rather doubted that Raven would be all that upset to be excluded from the picture. The smile on her face looked painful. Cyborg looked closer… no wonder she was grimacing like that. Robin was poking her in the back with a birdarang.

Forced photography. Cyborg grinned… no wonder Robin's hot dogs all exploded after they had finished their game and sat down for lunch.

"THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER!" Starfire screamed, so suddenly in Cyborg's face that he withdrew with a cry of shock. He tripped over the edge of the couch, and went down… hard.   
  
Starfire appeared overhead, then, green eyes wide with shock and panic, hands covering her mouth. "Friend Cyborg! I am sorry! I did not mean to make you fall…" she offered him her hand contritely. He took it, rather afraid that she was going to… electrify him… or something. Could Starfire do that? He wasn't willing to bet against it. The half-robot dusted himself off, and was about to respond with a satisfyingly brusque comment about how Starfire was out of control, when Robin and Beast Boy came running in.

"Dude… we heard an explosion! Did something blow up?" Beast Boy shouted, eyes wide. His eyes traveled from the photograph clutched in Starfire's hands (she had snatched it back from the 'clumsy robot') to the shattered remains of the picture frame against the wall. "Whoa… who blew up the picture frame?"

Starfire turned towards Cyborg with a loud "hmph!" 

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa_. NOT me. It was an accident, Starfire- the picture slipped, alright? I didn't _mean to throw it," Cyborg said quickly, before Robin or Beast Boy started in on him, too._

Beast Boy started laughing… Cyborg wasn't _quite certain_ why, but it wasn't safe… to laugh around an angry Starfire… Robin cleared his throat. "That couldn't have been the sound we heard… what was that crash?" He asked, obviously not willing to get involved in the 'crisis' that had Starfire so wound up.

"Cyborg fell down," Starfire chirped. Beast Boy began to laugh harder- he doubled over, clutching at his stomach, and then fell onto his side, literally rolling on the ground.

For a few moments, no one moved. Beast Boy continued laughing, Starfire glared angrily at Cyborg, Cyborg looked to the ceiling the wall, anywhere but Starfire… and Robin just stood there, a bit of annoyance working into his face. "Alright… so… you broke the picture frame, Cyborg?" Starfire held up the picture and jabbed at the cut. Robin rose one eyebrow. "_And_ you broke the picture? I guess you'll have to go to the Photoshop to get it fixed than… and then to _somewhere to get another picture frame."_

Cyborg frowned. "It's Raven's turn to do chores…" he said darkly.

"Raven IS doing chores- and she's not in. You broke the picture frame, Cyborg, I think," Robin took a deep breath. He was trying _extremely hard not to laugh, "I think you can handle the responsibility of this perilous mission."_

Cyborg scoffed, and snatched the picture from Starfire, who squeaked in surprise. "Fine, fine, I'll do it… but I'm _not_ doing laundry next week…" he said haughtily.

The corners of Robin's lips were twitching… "Fine," he said. And then he started laughing too. This, if anything, made Beast Boy laugh even harder.

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" Starfire screamed.

Cyborg shook his head and stalked out of the door. "Laugh all you want… jerks…" He grumbled.

He had things to do… important… kind of… things to do. Then again, how long would this take? At least Star wouldn't be mad at him anymore… Cyborg sighed.

On to the Photo Shop it was.


	2. The Nemean Lion

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. Shockingly, I don't own Greek Mythology, either. Turns out I wasn't around… back then._

_A/N: Now you can tell your parents you ARE studying for your Mythology Test! Oboebyrd teaches you everything you need to know about… stuff! Not C/SF pairing! C/SF friendship! That's it! (Kind of friendship.) And yes, Raven _will_ appear…_

~~~~~

**The Nemean Lion**

~~~~~

"Cyborg, you broke my picture frame! Cyyyyborg…" 

Cyborg's voice, mockingly mimicking Starfire, mingled cheerfully with the noises of the city. Pedestrians shouting on cell-phones, babies crying, car horns honking, people screaming in fear, a lion roaring…

…a lion roaring?

Cyborg glanced up in shock, only to see a massive lion rushing down the middle of the street. Cars swerved to avoid it- pedestrians turned, in mad panic, dashing away from the cat. Cyborg started forward, sonic cannon appearing on the end of his arm…

"Wait! Wait!"

Cyborg turned around in shock. A man wearing a beige suit and green khakis, gasping and out of breath, came half jogging, half-limping up towards him. A highly stylized green name tag- Billy D., Binder Zoo, was stitched onto his chest.  He came to a panting, winded halt. "Don't… kill… the… lion…" he gasped. "It… got… free… of… it's cage…" the man took a breath, and his voice seemed to catch up with his body. "We already darted it, but it won't go down… it's half crazed! Please, don't kill it…"

"Fine, fine…" Cyborg grumbled. He hadn't been intending to kill it anyway. 

The half robot rushed forward, lunging at the lion as it made a leap at a screaming woman- and grabbed it by the tail. The cat yelped as its momentum tugged the busy extremity- and turned around, lunging at Cyborg. It was fast- he raised one arm to shield himself from its claws. A bit of metal tore free, and the hiss of sparks was equaled by a hiss of pain from Cyborg.

He grappled with it for a minute- but the lion was just a little too crazed to easily be held, not even by a man of his incredible, mechanically enhanced strength. It squirmed free- and took off running.

"Get back here!" Cyborg roared, chasing after it.

This only made the lion run faster. With a grimace of annoyance, Cyborg increased his own pace. The lion disappeared down an alley- Cyborg barreled in after it- and the lion was suddenly on top of him. Its hot, rank breath beat down on Cyborg's face… was… it going to bite him? Cyborg shoved it off before it could try… the lion scrambled backwards, and turned and darted through a nearby broken window.

Cyborg scrambled through after it- unlike the huge cat, though, he wasn't half as nimble, and ended up on his stomach on the dusty floor of the building. Cyborg stood slowly up, dusting off his armor, watching for the slightest sign of movement around him.

The building was quiet. And deserted. The dust of ages covered the ground- everything was darker, darker than dark… a little _too dark, actually, and Cyborg mentally cursed, wondering who up there had a thing against him. This was supposed to just be a simple trip to make copies of a photograph and pick up a picture frame, for goodness sake! And now he was traipsing through an abandoned building, hunting a lion. It was perfect… _more_ than perfect… had Starfire somehow laid a curse on his head, or was he just destined to be unlucky. Oh well… at least it couldn't get any worse._

It was then he noticed the paw prints in the dust. They weren't hard to miss- the lion was a massive animal, moving sluggishly, and it wasn't trying to be careful, anymore. Cyborg started off on the trail of the lion… it wasn't long before he found it, crouched underneath an old assembly line, glittering eyes staring at him. He could hear it's breathing… loud, tired… angry…

"Here, kitty kitty kitty…" Cyborg said, beckoning for it.

The lion growled. Cyborg frowned. The lion slunk further back underneath the assembly line… Cyborg's frown deepened. "I said come _here_," he grumbled in annoyance.

Glittering eyes withdrew even further underneath the assembly line. Cyborg inched forward… and the lion roared, lunging at him. Cyborg drew back, catching its powerful claws in his hands… what had Beast Boy said about wounded animals? Oh yeah… never corner them.

How helpful it was to remember that advice _now_… 

For what seemed like an eternity, the metal-man grappled with the lion. "Bad kitty! BAD KITTY!" He screamed, as it tried again and again to eat his face. If anything, this admonishment seemed to make the lion angrier.

A few more minutes dragged agonizingly on… the lion was kicking at him, now. Though his metal armor protected him from disembowelment, he could only _imagine the scratches and scuffs he was going to have all over him by the time this little episode was done… and then he would tell Robin that he wasn't doing laundry __two times in a row. _

"Wait a second- I don't even HAVE to do laundry! I don't wear clothes!" Cyborg screamed.

This sudden revelation… no wonder Robin had seemed so willing to absolve Cyborg of his responsibility for that chore… made Cyborg even angrier. He at long last overpowered the crazed lion, pinning it to the floor.

The big cat, its strength already waning from the tranquilizer, growled, snuffled, and then fell into a deep doze. Cyborg sat back, wiping at his brow with one hand, a smile of success on his face. Now who was the Beast Boy, huh? He had totally whupped the lion's ass…

It was then the zoo-keeper showed up, along with a few of his coworkers. They approached the lion cautiously. Green Billy D., Binder Zoo, smiled broadly at Cyborg. "Thank you so much for your help!" He exclaimed.

"No problem," Cyborg grumbled. Once he was certain that the zoo-keepers had everything under control… and that the lion wouldn't be escaping from them again anytime soon… he let himself out through the front door (which was boarded shut, not that that stopped him) and headed back down the street towards the Photo Shop. 

"Hel-lo," the chime of the door greeted him as he stepped inside. A friendly-looking clerk grinned at him.

"Hello, sir. How can I help you?" He asked, as the half-robot approached the desk.

"I need to get a picture repaired… or copied, or something. Can you do that here?" He asked.

The clerk nodded primly. "But of course."

Cyborg reached down to pull the picture out of his pocket compartment. It wasn't there. With growing dread, Cyborg began to search all of his other compartments. Nothing. Nothing!

"We'll need the picture in order to copy it, sir," the clerk said, with the tired voice of someone who was used to dealing with this type of person everyday.

Nothing… nothing… it was gone! "I DROPPED THE PICTURE!" 


	3. The Lernean Hydra

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: No… own… Teen… Titans. I don't own Greek Mythology either. But I DO own this fiction. NO TOUCH!_

_A/N: Hydra is an actual character in either DC or Marvel… don't remember. I probably won't get this all completely accurate- artistic license, alright? Anyway, Cyborg had already fought a Hydra in another one of my stories, and that would just be redundant. I always thought Cyborg was pretty damn tough. How else could he have taken down Cinderblock on his own?_

~~~~~

**The Lernean Hydra**

~~~~~

"STARFIRE IS GOING TO KILL ME!"

Cyborg bellowed this as he rushed down the street, retracing all of his steps. People gave him a wide berth… he couldn't blame them. He realized that he was acting like a complete mad-man (and a mad-man in metallic body-armor no less) but… he didn't want to die. And Starfire would murder him if he lost the photograph…

He scrambled back through the old abandoned building (the lion and his keepers were long gone), ran up the street, only slowly down enough to cast about anxious for any sign of the 6X12 that was going to spell his doom…

There! He spotted it fluttering near the edge of traffic- and dove for it. A gust of wind from a passing car suddenly swept it upwards- the piece of paper fluttered above his head- before flying out into traffic. Cyborg clenched his teeth and watched as the photo swooped among the cars, narrowly missing being shredded in the grill of a truck, only _just_ avoiding the wheels of a car… and then it landed on the opposite side of the street.

Cyborg stabbed frantically at the button on the crosswalk lights… "Come on, come on, come on!" he shouted. A few people also standing at the crosswalk inched away from him.

Cyborg didn't care. The light on the other side of the street turned from a red palm to a white, flashing, walking man- the cars came to a stop… Cyborg barreled across the street as if he was running from the devil himself. The paper was just within his grasp… he dove for it…

…and once again it squirted out of his grip. The paper fluttered almost… mockingly… into a building. Cyborg chased after it doggedly, bounding through the doorway, nearly grabbed it- but it stayed just out of his reach. Cyborg gritted his teeth in rage, and continued… before bumping suddenly into someone. He knocked her to the marble floor- the paper continued its merry jaunt, pulled along now by some force other than wind, but Cyborg stopped long enough to offer the woman he had knocked down his hand.

And then he withdrew in utter shock. The woman had a _green octopus stuck to her chest! Despite himself, he withdrew with a shout of surprise…_

The woman slowly stood up, reaching towards him with one quivering hand… he could see absolutely nothing in the woman's eyes… was she… dead? Cyborg recoiled, not quite certain what to do.

…green octopus… walking corpse… that was _Hydra!_

Hydra, the biological scourge that infested human bodies, turning them into slaves for its own, unknown purpose… This was _not_ good… Hydra would spread like a disease, take over everything… _everyone… and… in slow shock, he looked around him. More people, green octopus-type-things attached to their bodies, began to swarm in around him. Cyborg coolly leveled his sonic cannon at them, and began to blast them away. But whenever he shot them back, they continued to get to their feet…_

…of course… how could he kill something that was already dead? 

Cyborg snapped open his communicator, to call for backup- but sparks and ruined machinery was all that greeted him. The lion… its claws had torn apart the phone in his arm, and he had been far too distracted by the photograph to notice… Cyborg cursed his luck, and continued to blast the Hydra and its entities backwards.

If he hit them enough, they didn't get back up… especially if he damaged the octopus on their chest. 

But there were too many of them- how long had the Hydra been slowly sinking its tentacles into the city? How had he and his teammates failed to see its foul degradation of the city before this? Hydra usually only took corpses for its hosts, but soon enough it would turn to the living populace- and that couldn't be allowed to happen. Cyborg started retreat towards the door- he couldn't defeat all of these corpses on his own- but found his way blocked.

More of Hydra's components came slinking and stumbling out of the hallways, dead eyes staring at him, mouths opened in voiceless moans. A grim smirk invaded Cyborg's features. "You want to play rough? Fine…"

He raised his sonic cannon towards the ceiling, and let loose with a stream of energy. A massive hole was torn in the plaster where his beam struck- the ceiling began to cave in. Hydra's components moaned in sickly terror, but rather than racing out of the building into the streets- they rushed inwards. Cyborg retreated in shock, watching them disappear from sight… he was no fool, though, and raced out onto the street.

A crowd had gathered to watch the building fall, and voices murmured in shock and fright as they watched it crumble to the ground. A slight moaning emerged from within. "Go! Get out of here!" he shouted at the crowd… and thankfully, they dispersed- running. 

Something was emerging from the rubble.

It was the most bulbous, freakish, frightening… green… thing Cyborg had ever seen… the Hydra Queen. Whatever _it_ had once been had long since disappeared under a mass of tentacles and green, pulpy skin- with great effort, it hefted its enormous body out of the rubble, and began to slowly drag itself towards Cyborg.

It was wounded… that much was obvious. But it was powerful… incredibly powerful. All of its subjects had been destroyed… and now it needed new hosts for its spawn. New bodies, new servants… and Cyborg looked like a likely recipient of its first new egg. "Back off, you ugly piece of calamari," he growled. The sonic cannon fired again, blowing a chunk of flesh out of the flesh where the Queen's head would be.

She screeched, but continued bearing down on Cyborg- as if his repeated blasts of energy meant nothing to her. "Do not resist, Cyborg…" she purred.

"Do not resist…! Why do you people always say that," he grumbled. His faithful, and today rather effective, sonic cannon powered up for another shot, another blast of energy, another hole in the terrifying beast.

"We are nothing to fear, Cyborg… just a higher cause. A cause for equality among all… ultimate peace… no more wars! No more famine! No more disease! My people… those who you have so callously slain… they all realized this, they gave themselves willingly unto me," the Queen purred… the voice issuing from the monster was all too convincing… and it was all lies.

"The dead can give nothing willingly," Cyborg replied coldly. Another smoking hole was blown in the creature… but still, the Queen forged forwards. 

"Of course they can. People want to be a part of something bigger than themselves, Cyborg, something bigger than their lives. They want… they need… a purpose. That is why so many have joined our ranks,"* hissed the Queen.

Cyborg shook his head, retreating another step. Whatever happened, he couldn't let this creature get hold of him, mentally _or_ physically. Then he'd be lost. Another blast of energy turned the creature's body into pulp.

Queen Hydra raised upwards, tentacles lashing, to reveal a humanoid form beneath. Hideous eyes glared out of sunken sockets, rage and defiance was on its half-human face. "We are the spawn of Ulluxy'l Kwan Tae Syn! We are the perfection that humanity seeks! We-"

"Are dead," Another blast of Cyborg's sonic cannon speared the creature through where its human head must have once been. It gave a defiant shriek… and the Hydra Queen slowly collapsed.

The Hydra Queen remained still, silent… and slowly, it began to dissolve. Cyborg let out a whoop of triumph.

It was then he spotted the photograph. It was perched, slightly crumpled, on top of a brick near the remains of the Hydra Queen. A gust of wind played with the piece of paper… it rustled slightly in the breeze. "Don't you _dare…" he began… and just before it was ready to take off again, he snatched it in his metal hand._

Cyborg let out another whoop of joy. Double success! Now he definitely wouldn't die! 

There was, after all, nothing more frightening than an angry Starfire.

Not even Hydra.

*Universe X #4 Page 14, Panel 2


	4. The Hind of Ceryneia

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: I never claimed to own Teen Titans, and I never will. As for Greek Mythology… that belongs to everyone. Mostly the current Greeks, I guess. Something has to make up for My Big Fat Greek Wedding (also not mine.)_

_A/N: ::Spins in circles making motor-boat noises:: Once again, I make stuff up. That's what fan fiction writers do, though… _

~~~~~

**The Hind of Ceryneia **

~~~~~

Cyborg practically skipped in the direction of the Photo Shop. Maybe today wasn't going to be such a bad day after all. He had captured a rogue lion, saved the world from enslavement, and finally recaptured Starfire's prized Photograph. Of course, by now it was looking a little more than a bit worn around the edges… but that's what the Photo Shop was for!

He skipped up to the doorway, pushed on it- and it didn't budge. Locked… luckily he hadn't pushed it too hard… He took a step backwards… "Out for Lunch- Be Back at 1" read the sign- a clock below it had the small hand pointed towards the twelve and the big hand towards the one… somebody didn't know how to read a clock, apparently.

With a disgusted sigh, Cyborg sat himself down on the curb. He didn't mind waiting for the Photo Shop clerk… after fighting Hydra, he thought he rather deserved a break… a chance to catch his breath…

…who was going to clean up that mess, anyway? Cyborg let his attention wander back towards the ruins of the building, not that it was any longer within his sight. And then he shrugged… he had cleaned house, somebody else could take out the trash. Right now, all he wanted to do was get this picture into the hands of the Photo Shop clerk. 

An hour passed- and the clerk had yet to return. The minutes creeped by at a pace so slow Cyborg thought for sure that time was moving _backwards… just to spite him, of course. 1:05… 1:15… 1:30…_

"Awfully long lunch break," Cyborg grumbled. By now he was feeling completely refreshed- his power cells mostly filled up, as well. And he had even taken time to repair his communicator! 

1:35…

1:40…

"Oh come _on_!" Cyborg shouted in annoyance, jumping to his feet. He paced in front of the door… "Lazy clerk!" He bellowed at no one in particular. Pedestrians were giving him a wide berth again. Again, he didn't care. He stormed up and down in front of the store, stopping to tap his foot impatiently, and basically doing everything he could short of getting himself arrested for disrupting the peace.

And still… the clerk would not come.

Cyborg thought he had had a fairly rough day so far… and things were just getting worse, now. Sure, a late clerk at the Photo Shop didn't _seem as troubling as a rampaging lion or a squid-like monstrosity trying to take over the world, but… well, an annoyance was all in one's perception of the word, anyway. Cyborg was annoyed. _

So he glowered at passerbys. And scared them. 

Two o'clock rolled around… and the clerk had yet to show up. Cyborg was about to move on… (either that, or break the windows, but moving on was probably better) when he heard sirens in the distance. Cyborg scowled, and headed in that direction… _someone was going to pay for the clerk's lateness… _

Five police cars were parked in front of the City Museum. Cyborg approached the chief- or at least, the guy who looked like he was in charge. "What's up?" He asked, trying to keep his voice light. Maybe it was a little _too light. The officer gave him a wide-eyed stare as if he'd just grown a third leg and wanted the officer to shave it._

"We have _Gizmo_ trapped in the museum! He's threatened to start breaking the priceless works of art unless we give him what he wants," the officer said, wringing his hands together.

Cyborg stared at him for a minute. "Are you new on the force?" He asked.

The officer nodded, a look of shock entering his eyes. "Why, yes, how did you-"

"Figures," Cyborg grumbled, and then announced, "I'll go in there and destroy him! Er… _catch_ him. You guys just get your handcuffs ready," he said, and stormed up to the museum doors. He let himself in, closed the doors, and then shouted, "GET YOUR TINY ASS OUT HERE GIZMO SO I CAN BEAT IT!"

His voice echoed ominously down the emptied halls. Unsurprisingly, there was no response. Cyborg stalked along, keeping both eyes- human and robotic- open for any sign of the little twerp. The museum was not very _large, but it was definitely dark, spooky, and ominously quiet. Why was it dark? Cyborg grumbled to himself. The instant a villain appeared on the scene, did the owners of property turn off the lights?_

"Dammit, Gizmo," Cyborg grumbled as he stalked down the darkened hallways. "All I wanted to do today was go to the Photo Shop…"

No, that wasn't quite true… Initially all he had wanted to play video games and drink Rootbeer. Now all he wanted to do was obey Starfire and avoid a painful death.

"What's this?" Said a imp-like voice from behind him. Cyborg wheeled around. Gizmo was in his spider-like contraption, held up by four spindly, metallic legs. He had the photograph in his hands, and laughed as he looked at the expression on Raven's face. "You Titans are such dorks!"

Cyborg leveled his sonic cannon at Gizmo. "Give that back or I turn you into paste." 

A dozen thoughts flickered through Gizmo's imp-like little face… and then he mumbled, "Paste? That doesn't even make sense…"

The sonic cannon began to charge. Gizmo took off down the hall. "GET BACK HERE!" Cyborg bellowed, and chased after him. Gizmo only ran faster… he had _no intentions of being turned into 'paste' by Cyborg, even if no matter of chemical coaxing could ever turn the human body into a cheap adhesive._

Gizmo dove into the next room he found, and Cyborg plowed in after him. The little weapons expert had hidden behind a massive, hideous statue made out of copper and bronze… it looked _something_ like a deer- at least, that's what the plaque underneath it declared… "Red Deer. Ceryneia, Greece." 

"Gizmo, come out from behind that statue, and I will hurt you a little less than I was going to hurt if you I got my hands on you before," Cyborg said. He thought that was reasonable- apparently Gizmo didn't agree.

"I'm not going anywhere near you, you bucket of outdated machinery," Gizmo grumbled. His voice sounded oddly muffled… 

"Are you eating my photograph?" Cyborg demanded. He began creeping in the direction of the ugly metal deer.

Gizmo's voice, still somewhat muffled, filtered back, now sounding a little surprised. "Uh… no… I'm not. Why would I… oh, never mind."

"Brat, come out from behind there. If you don't, I'm going to blast you here and now and hope that the cleaning crew can get _blood_ off of the _ceiling_!" Cyborg screamed. Once again, he thought he was being fairly reasonable. He amended, in a kind tone of voice, "and you know I never make promises like that unless I can keep them." 

Gizmo laughed mockingly. "Dumb machine… you wouldn't blast me! You'd hit the statue and I know how much you goody-goodies hate to…" The statue disintegrated in front of him. "…destroy… old… things…"

He stared up in horror as Cyborg came stalking up and grabbed him by the back of the shirt, lifting him off the ground. Cyborg snatched back the photograph. "You were saying?"

"But… but… that statue was priceless! And you good guys never blow up museum stuff!" Gizmo stuttered, his voice hovering on the edge of incoherency and disbelief. 

Cyborg shrugged. "You're obviously a threat to society. The statue did its part to keep our fair city safe. Besides, I'm sure the artist can just make another one."

"IT'S THREE THOUSAND YEARS OLD!"

"Oh," Cyborg shrugged. "It was ugly, anyway."

Gizmo shouted in frustration- Cyborg wasn't quite sure quite what he was upset about- the destruction of the statue or the fact that he had just been caught. And as Cyborg tossed the little bald villain in the backseat of one of the cop cars, he didn't really care either way.

"Oh, and by the way- Gizmo vaporized one of the statues in there," Cyborg mentioned to the nervous officer as he walked back towards the Photo Shop.

"What? WHAT! LIAR! LIAAAAAAR!" Gizmo screamed after the hero as he disappeared. 

Cyborg grinned. This day was actually turning out to be quite pleasant…


	5. The Quest of the Cheesy Poufs

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. I do not own Greek Mythology. I own this story. Steal it or the idea, and I will put a world of hurt on you. What can a 19-year-old college student do to hurt you? Do you really want to find out?_

_A/N: Without all the hip-horal about the Centaurs, the Erymanthian boar- catching a wild boar- is an incredibly _boring_ quest. Thus, I'll spare all of you the 'boar'dom of this labor, and set up the next chapter instead. _

~~~~~

**The Quest of the Cheesy Poufs**

~~~~~

If he stretched just a little… just a LITTLE higher, maybe he could reach it…

Beast Boy shouted in frustration as the Gamestation Controller, enshrouded in an eerie black light, bobbled just out of the reach of his hands. He transformed wildly between animals- tall giraffe, reaching elephant, screeching eagle… but he just couldn't reach it!

  
"OH COME ON!" Beast Boy shouted.

Something almost like a smirk invaded Raven's features as she watched Beast Boy hop up and down in a futile attempt to capture his controller. "That game is loud, pointless, and kills brain cells- something which you have precious few of and should protect with all your might," Raven said quietly, "I'm doing you a favor."

"But Raaaaven," Beast Boy whined, "If I don't practice, Cyborg will totally whup me next time we play!" And then, the insult sunk in, "HEY!"

Raven rolled her eyes, and the Gamestation controller dropped into the green changelings hands. With a shout of success, Beast Boy swooped over to the game.

Raven watched him play for a few minutes. No wonder Cyborg kept on winning… Beast Boy was horrible at this game. Every few moments, his pixilated car would flip and burst into flames, or go flying off of the race track, hit a tree and… burst into flames. "I hope you realize not every vehicle is so prone to self combustion…" 

"Not true!" Starfire exclaimed, appearing alongside Raven. She had a bottle of mustard clenched in her hands. "Lunar Buggies of my home world are known from exploding at the slightest jolt! We use them to kill young and foolish talking birds."

"What's wrong with you?" Raven asked rhetorically. Luckily, before she had to listen to Starfire's answer, Robin came stalking into the room.

"Raven, you forgot the Cheesy Poufs," he admonished her.

Slowly, very slowly, Raven rolled her eyes. They disappeared so far back in her head that for a moment Robin wondered if they would ever find their way home. And then, she fixed a glare on him. "I refuse to be seen buying those flavorless orange sticks of wheat excrement."

"But Raaaaven," Beast Boy whined again, "I _like those flavorless orange sticks of wheat excrement!" _

Robin looked momentarily perturbed. Actually, everyone except Beast Boy did- he was too busy staring, wide eyed and drool-lipped, at the computer screen. Robin cleared his throat. "Regardless of your personal opinions of wheat excrement- I mean, Cheesy Poufs- Raven, they _were_ on the list," he said reasonably. "Now please go out and get them." He paused. "Besides, you got Starfire her mustard…"

"It usually keeps her quiet," Raven mumbled. Starfire was now floating around the room giggling and taking sips out of the mustard bottle. The telekinetic's face darkened even further as she watched Starfire float past. "_Usually…"_

Robin sighed. "Please, Raven?"

"Yeah, please, Raven?" Beast Boy echoed, turning back towards her. As soon as he looked away from the screen, his pixilated car exploded. "Damn it!"

"Fine. I will get you your flavorless wheat excrement," Raven said darkly. She turned and strode out of the room.

"Thank you friend Raven!" Starfire called after her.

Her mustard bottle glowed black for half a second, and then exploded, showering the room and the three remaining Teen Titans with mustard. Starfire screamed. 

And Raven… she _almost_ laughed.

Meanwhile, Cyborg saved a kitten from being hit by a car. "Another great deed under my belt," he thought with satisfaction.

And then the kitten bit him.


	6. The Augean Stables

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: I own something, but I don't want you to take it from me, so I won't tell you what it is. But Teen Titans- that I can honestly say I don't own._

_A/N: So sue me, THIS is the chapter that I'm writing the entire story for. I guess Raven doesn't like rats! Cliff hangers fun. I realize there's a discrepancy between the 'funny' of one chapter and the 'funny' of the next. Action Adventure/Humor category doesn't mean they both have to be at ONCE ya know… Natch._

~~~~~

**The Augean Stables**

~~~~~

At long last, Cyborg had gotten the photograph into the hands of the Photo Shop clerk.

The clerk stared at the nearly ruined picture with a look of disbelief. "What did you _do_ to it?" 

Cyborg sighed. "Threw it up against a wall, mauled it with a lion, chased it through traffic, buried it in a building, retrieved it from a walking tinker tot, and brought it to you," he recited.

The clerk was silent for a very long time. "Okay…"

"Can you fix it? Please?" Cyborg pleaded.

"Of course I can, sir, but the damage is fairly extensive. Business has been slow recently, though, and I think I can make you a new and… er… not lion-mauled photograph in about three hours."

"Three hours!" Cyborg yelped.

The clerk stared steadily at Cyborg. "Perhaps, sir, the next time you have a picture you wish to keep, you should keep the negative. Or perhaps store it in a frame so it won't get so extensively damaged." 

Cyborg resisted the urge to reach across the counter and strangle the man. After all, the Photo Shop clerk was the only one who could save him, now. He was the only one who could keep Starfire from killing him. The clerk took on a saintly glow. Cyborg feebly nodded, "Okay, I'll remember that. Thank you. So… three hours then?"

The clerk nodded, a cross look on his face. Cyborg backed out the door and out onto the street.

Three hours… not bad. In three hours, he could _easily_ make it to a craft store, or somewhere else that had picture frames. The way things had been going lately, maybe three hours wouldn't be quite enough time.

"Stop thinking like that, Cyborg, the last time you thought like that…"

A crowd of people ran past, screaming.

"…something like that happened. DAMMIT!" Cyborg tore up the street in the direction that the panicked crowd had come from.

The grocery store was under siege.

Dozens, hundreds, _thousands_ of rats… _sewer __rats… were crawling all over the building, through the building, turning it into a writhing mass of slimy black and brown fur. Cyborg nodded, and lowered his sonic cannon towards the building. Recently, vaporizing things had worked out pretty well for him, and he was hoping not to see an end to the trend._

Before he could fire, though, a wave of rats, enshrouded in a black light, came flying out of the building, mangled beyond repair. As soon as they were thrown clear, though, more swarmed in.

Raven was in there. Battling rats. 

Of course.

Raven hated rats. At first Cyborg had been a little suspicious that anything so tiny and insignificant could rattle Raven's emotionless façade, but of course, something happened to prove him utterly wrong. Once she had seen a rat in the dining room, and screamed and screamed. And then she had blown up the entire floor. Everyone had laughed then, because the only other person on the floor was Beast Boy, and Raven couldn't seem to blow him up no matter how hard she tried.

But Cyborg wasn't laughing now; mainly because he didn't want to end up a mangled carcass in a bloody soup of rat death. 

He considered walking on and leaving Raven to annihilate the city block in peace. After all, Raven could certainly destroy all the rats herself, eventually, and the emotional scarring and rat-bite scars would fade after time.

Somehow, that didn't convince Cyborg that his Quest for the Picture Frame was more important than saving half the city from becoming a Raven-made crater. "God damn… Don't worry, Raven, I'm coming!" He exclaimed, and barreled towards the door. The automatic door, confused by all of the rats, didn't open of course, so Cyborg blasted it away. And was covered in rats.

Little claws, little teeth, all furry and scratchy and… "AAUUUGGGHHH! GET THEM OFF ME!" 

Cyborg did a funny little dance in the street to throw all of the rats off of him. And then he vaporized them all.

Once Cyborg was certainly he was totally rat free, he ran back into the grocery store. He spotted Raven floating between what was left of the Pet food and dish soap aisle- she was using her telekinesis to basically lay waste to the rats, but there were too many of them for her to handle without leveling the entire store. They crawled up the shelves and leapt at her, only to be twisted into three different pieces in midair… but with so many of them…

"Hold on, Raven!" Cyborg exclaimed. He pointed his sonic cannon at the ground, and fired, clearing the floor beneath her entirely of rats, linoleum, and dirt. Instantly, thousands of rats came pouring out of the hole that Cyborg had just made. "Oops…"

"FUCKING RATS! FUCKING DIE!" Raven screamed. A large number of them imploded.

If Raven had noticed his presence, she was doing a very good job of pretending not to. She tipped over an emptied display rack (apparently the rats had eaten everything) and crushed a few more. Cyborg began stomping. After what had happened with the floor just a moment before, he was suddenly not so sure that his sonic cannon would be of any use here. 

The rats had caught on to his presence, and were now trying to clamber up him. Luckily, his metal armor prevented them from eating him in half, but as soon as they got to part of him that wasn't coated in impenetrable steel, he was going to be in some serious trouble.

Cyborg clambered up on top of a display case to get away from the rats. That was when Raven finally noticed him. She looked a little shocked for a moment, probably wondering just how much of her emotional, quite unbalanced rage her teammate had seen. "Cyborg… what are you doing here?"

"I'd have to ask you the same question," Cyborg said. He stomped a rat that started up the display case. Instantly a doze more followed.

"I came for Cheesy Poufs," Raven said in quiet resignation, before screaming "DIE FURRY SCUM!" and sending a few hundred more rats to the cheese factory in the sky. 

"This ISN'T WORKING," Cyborg shouted, in case Raven hadn't already figured that out for herself. He stomped on a few more rats that clambered up the display case- and shattered the case underneath him. Cyborg landed on his back- instantly the sewer rats were on top of him, biting and clawing with their disgusting little mouths and nails… 

Raven shouted an expletive that Cyborg hadn't even known existed. The rats on top of him shriveled up and died instantly, and Cyborg leapt up to his feet. "Thanks, Ra-" he began, but Raven was too busy laughing maniacally and killing every rat in sight. He was quite surprised that she hadn't blown up at least the building by now… she looked rather unstable.

"Cyborg, you have to get out of here. I'll take out the rats… all of the rats. ALL OF THEM!" She screamed. A display case rocketed up into the air and began beating against the ground, crushing rats left and right. This continued until the display case was shattered into tiny slivers of wood.

"Raven, you will NOT blow up the city. There's got to be a better way…" he paused, and then brightened. "Of course!"

"Of course what?" Raven asked dryly. 

"Gather them all up into one huge ball of rats, Raven, and I'll vaporize every last one of them!" Cyborg exclaimed, his arm turning into a sonic cannon. All this time, of course, he had been stomping.

Raven brightened somewhat. "Good idea…" she hissed, her eyes inexplicably glowing an insane red. Cyborg retreated out of the grocery store as Raven began to channel all of her telekinesis into one act- lifting every squirming, squeaking rat off of the ground.

The rose in hordes- thousands upon thousands of rats all gathered up into a massive rat ball that obscured the sun. Raven lifted it well above them- as far away as she could, to avoid listening to their squeaking. Cyborg took careful aim, adjusting the power levels of his sonic cannon. "Hurry up the hurting!" Raven roared. Yes, she had come pretty close to flipping out. 

Cyborg fired, and the mass of rats exploded. What rats didn't vaporize instead started plummeting towards earth. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Raven roared, and commenced hitting the still living, though imminently doomed, plummeting rats with their already dead comrades.

Cyborg put one hand on Raven's shoulder. "Maybe… we should get under cover…" He began.

And then the rain of bloody rat death struck the city. Raven threw up a shield around herself and Cyborg, and watched in inhuman glee as pieces of rats bounced off the shield. Once it was done, the entire city block was covered in rat remains. The buildings were even soaked in rat blood. "I always wonder how the city recovers from how we save it…" Cyborg muttered musingly.

Raven seemed to have gotten control over herself. She drifted back over to the grocery store, through the vaporized door. Cyborg diligently followed her.

Everything had been eaten or gnawed through- even household cleaning products. Everything, that was, except the Cheesy Poufs. Raven's eyes widened slightly in surprise before she recovered. "You've _got to be kidding me…"_

"The rats didn't eat the Cheesy Poufs! How lucky for you!" Cyborg exclaimed cheerfully.

Raven cautiously picked up a bag. "The rats ate everything else. Why would they not eat Cheesy Poufs?"

"It's snack food from heaven and they wouldn't dare touch it with their grimy claws?" Cyborg suggested gamely.

"Well… that's _almost_ what I was thinking, except for it's the exact opposite…" Raven turned the bag upside down in her hands, watching as the fluorescent orange snack foods tumbled through the bag. Some of them stuck to the wrapper. "What sort of self-hatred must you people suffer from to put this in your body? Why do you eat them?"

"Its snack food from heaven," repeated the half-robot adamantly.

"That _RATS_ won't eat."

Cyborg shook his head. "Sorry, Raven, but I have little time to puzzle over this… I have to get myself a picture frame!" 

"You have to _w-" Raven began, but Cyborg was already running down the street. Raven watched him go, shook her head, and floated out the door and back towards the Titans Tower, where she planned to kill Robin slowly and painfully for making her go back to the grocery store._

_"Just from here to the craft store. Here to the craft store! That can't be too hard, that can't be too hard… just a few more blocks, two more blocks and I'm there…" He turned and the corner, and there the craft store was… in all of its muted, earth-tone glory. Cyborg let out a whoop of glee, and powered forward… "Wait a second… CLOSED?!?" He screamed in disbelief. _

_Standing there, drenched in rat blood and exhausted after saving the city at least twice, Cyborg could think of nothing more fantastic nor unlikely than the one place he needed to go being shut down for the night._

_…and that was when the origami swans attacked._


	7. The Stymphalian Birds

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: Ever seen "Spirited Away"? My paper birds look nothing like those paper birds. Don't sue me. I don't own Teen Titans, I'm only manipulating their characters in a sorry attempt to pay homage to those who created them. Don't sue me. I mock Greek Mythology. Maybe you can sue me for that, but it wouldn't be very nice. So please don't sue me._

_A/N: I apologize to Piers Anthony for anything I might have done/will do to offend him. Also, finding the name of the major villain required research on my part and I demand compensation. And… no, that's it._

~~~~~

**The Stymphalian Birds**

~~~~~

Cyborg took a deep breath. 

He slowly let it out. Another deep breath… he slowly counted to ten.

And then he grabbed a handful of the paper birds and tore them apart. "Ha!" He exclaimed jubilantly, and showered the ground with swan confetti.

For a moment, the origami swans backed off… swirling around just out of range of his fists. And then, they attacked again. For a moment, Cyborg was engulfed in papery wings and a disturbing rustling sound that was vaguely reminiscent of being assaulted by a post office. This got old very, very fast… Cyborg hated federal mail. He started flailing his arms madly. Origami swans were sent flying in every direction; some shredded, some bent.

Of course, he now had paper cuts over every part of him that wasn't covered by metal armor. Cyborg growled, and pointed his sonic cannon at the birds.

Instantly, they turned and fled back into the craft store. Cyborg raised one eyebrow… and took a few minutes to consider his options. Go in the craft store, save the clerks that were almost certainly trapped within, and get his picture frame? Or walk whistling down the street to the next place that sold picture frames and was not populated by killer origami swans? There was a bird-less hobby store just down the street… they sold balsa wood and airplane glue, why wouldn't they sell picture frames? Or at least something out of which a picture frame could be made?

Someone inside the craft store screamed. Cyborg glowered. Once again, he would go save the day. Once again, no one would thank him for it. And once again, as soon as he was done saving the day, something even worse would happen.

'If people stopped getting into trouble,' Cyborg mused, 'then I'd be out of a job. But also very, very happy. And less tired, definitely less tired.'

The person inside the craft store screamed again. Cyborg grumbled to himself, remembering have briefer mental reflections later, and barreled into the store, sonic cannon raised. "SHOW YOURSELF, BIRDS OF FOLDED DEATH!" Cyborg shouted.

He mentally patted himself on the back for such a _cool_ line.

There was a rustling noise from behind him- and an origami lion lunged at him. This creature wasn't, luckily, protected by any paper-zoo attendants, so he grabbed the lion in both hands and shook it until all of its creases were gone. That was so satisfying that he tore the piece of paper in half, as well. 

"Noooo! My beautiful work!" An oddly familiar voice screamed. Cyborg wheeled in that direction- a handful of feather boas, slithering about like snakes, began winding around his legs. Cyborg snapped them off and threw them on the ground so he could stomp on them. He hated glittery purple feathers more than Raven hated rats. Well, insofar as that was possible.

Where had the voice come from? Colored, glittery glue pens began exploding, coating his armor in a veritable psychedelic vomit. Cyborg grabbed the pens and began crushing them- they were already ruined, though, but this helped his frustration. "Who are you, where are you, and will you just leave now?" Cyborg called.

Dead silence. Cyborg walked patiently up and down the aisles. The origami swans came rustling down the aisle at him, little paper wings flapping in malice- so Cyborg just flailed his hands about again, mangling most of them, and sending the rest fleeing for their lives. Cyborg frowned in annoyance… whoever this villain was, they had to learn that the only thing that paper swans could possibly beat were rocks… because paper covered rock… Cyborg mentally congratulated him on this joke, and decided to use it the instant it was applicable.

The bags of fake feathers were rustling- before they could get any ideas; Cyborg plucked them off of the shelf and stepped on them. That stopped them.

"My creations! My poor, helpless creations! How dare you destroy them?" Wailed the voice again, and Cyborg dutifully turned in that direction, pushing over an aisle on whoever it was. There was a muffled scream… Cyborg grinned.

Normally, he would be more concerned about destroying public property. But considering how much collateral damage he had already caused… he just didn't care, there was really no reason for him to rationalize it. Cyborg stalked along to the edge of the aisle and picked it up. Among the mess that littered the ground in broken piles from what had once been on the shelf, there was a single caped figure… Mumbo the Magician. 

Cyborg stalked over, grabbing the villain by the back of his cape- he immediately dissolved. "Hey!" Cyborg protested. He wound the cape around his fist as tightly as he could, and then shouted, "Listen! If you just leave now and promise never to come back, I'll let you go… and never come back… ever…" Cyborg trailed off weakly. That line never worked on super-villains (or whatever kind of villain Mumbo was)- and it was kind of a lie, anyway. And it sounded rather humiliatingly wussy.

"You'll never catch me! It will be I who catch you!" Shouted Mumbo, in a characteristically annoying, jubilant voice that made Cyborg want to hurt something… preferably Mumbo.

A massive sheet of paper unraveled itself from the paper rolls- it wrapped around Cyborg, who rolled his eyes. "Paper covers rock! And scissors cuts paper!" Screamed the lunatic magician- a massive pair of scissors came rocketing down the aisle, snapping its blades together menacingly.

Now Cyborg was REALLY mad. "You stole my joke!" He yelled. The half-machine teen easily ripped through the 'confining' paper and grabbed the pair of scissors, turning them around and snapping them shut once or twice. There was a muffled 'eep!' from the next aisle… Cyborg walked calmly in that direction. "Come out, come out, wherever you are, Mumbo," he said with a huge grin, rather liking the feel of the giant scissors, "And I will beat you until you thoroughly regret the day you learned the art of Japanese paper folding.."

"You shall never catch me!" Mumbo shrieked, appearing at the end of the aisle again. He lowered his magic wand at Cyborg, and thousands of origami swans rocketed at the half-robot again. Cyborg snapped his new-found weapons together menacingly- the birds turned and fled.

This seemed to ground Mumbo, at least. He waved his magical wand wildly in front of him, and whatever items that were left on the shelf revolted, attacking Cyborg madly. He brushed them all off- sure, he was going to get plenty of paper cuts, plenty of bruises from this event… but it was no different than any other day, after all. Cyborg continued bearing down aggressively on Mumbo, snapping the scissors together. 

A cascade of flowers hit Cyborg in the face… he smirked. "Getting desperate, Mumbo? I don't have any allergies," he said. And then he threw the scissors.

They landed perfectly- it was a good thing Mumbo didn't try to dodge- one leg on either side of the magician, pinning him to the wall. Mumbo's already somewhat green face turned a little greener… Cyborg strode up, took the magic wand, and snapped it in half. Instantly, the swarm of birds which had just then decided to come back and protect their creator fell to the ground in a fluttering, papery heap. The scissors also shrunk- but Cyborg fixed that problem by tying the Magician up in 100% natural hemp cloth. 

"I hope you've learned your lesson," Cyborg said, rattling one finger in the magician's face. He then headed back up front.

The salesgirl was standing at the head of one of the aisles, staring around at the general devastation with a numb 'why me?' look on her face. Cyborg knew exactly how she felt. "Are you okay… uhm…" he glanced at her nametag, "Emily? In one piece?"

She numbly nodded. The girl looked about twelve degrees paler than any one human should, even with the numerous paper cuts and the blue glitter paint splashed across her forehead.

Cyborg smiled reassuringly and patted her on the back. "It's been a long day- believe me, I know," he said, "and I doubt that your manager will mind if you take the rest of the day off. But, before you go… do you guys sell picture frames?"


	8. The Cretan Bull

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: I own the Cretan Bull. No wait, I'm lying. I am also lying when I say I own the Teen Titans. I'm very bad at lying._

_A/N: No, my name is not Emily. Yes, I know someone named Emily. No, I wasn't thinking of her when I came up with the name. Yes, I will now. Yes, I would find it very amusing to see the person I know named Emily assaulted by living origami swans. Yes, I would pay good money to see it happen. No, throwing them doesn't make them alive. Lotus Cat- I accept Money orders, cash, or check._

~~~~~

**The Cretan Bull**

~~~~~

It turned out the craft store didn't sell picture frames. But Cyborg had gotten the sales girl's phone number, and that was counted as a success in his book. Maybe she'd be cute, when not covered in blue glitter paint and too scared to comprehend English. Cute or not, it would be nice to have an honest-to-God date for once.

He decided it was time to head back to the Tower. It was getting late, he was tired, and he was pretty sure his battery was going to run out at any minute. Well, his battery… or his sanity.

Cyborg growled in frustration. If Starfire yelled at him again, he would... shoot her with his sonic cannon. That seemed to be the viable answer to the problems he was facing today… shoot it. Not only would shooting her shut her up very fast, it'd also probably get him suspended from the team for a few days. Long entire to recover a little bit from this Day of _Hell_. 

Anyway, he honestly felt the day had been long enough. He could explain this to Starfire when he got back… the Rat episode all by its lonesome made for a pretty long day, and by now Raven had probably returned to the Tower and let everyone know why half of the city was now covered in rodent entrails.

He stopped in front of the Photoshop on the way back to the Tower… glanced in the window. The clerk wasn't up front. Cyborg glanced at his watch, and amused himself trying to figure out just how much time had passed between when he had left the Photoshop and what time it was now. An hour at the most. Time sure flew when you were being victimized by the forces of evil and their sick sense of humor. 

He didn't feel like waiting around for another two hours, though.

Yes… he would go back to the Tower. Whoever was on chore duty the next day could pick up the picture, and as for the picture frame, they didn't need it until they had the picture to put within it. That made Cyborg feel a little better about abandoning his 'quest.' 

"Friend Cyborg!"

Cyborg wheeled around. Starfire was rocketing towards him, a huge grin on her face. Cyborg wanted to scream. So he did.

Starfire floated to a halt in front of him, looking decidedly confused. "Friend Cyborg, what is wrong?" She asked carefully. "What caused your shriek of dismay?"

Cyborg chuckled nervously. "Let's just say I'm _really_ glad to see you, Star," he lied artfully.

"I am happy to see you as well!" Starfire exclaimed, clapping her hands. Her glowing green eyes flickered in the direction of the Photoshop, and then back towards Cyborg. "We are at the place of photograph repair! Do you have the repaired photograph, friend Cyborg?" She asked hopefully.

Cyborg hated to break her heart like this, but… "No. No I don't. It isn't ready yet." 

Starfire looked dismayed, but not as upset as Cyborg was kind of hoping. Instead, she only shrugged, then nodded. "That is understandable, yes? You must have been out for a long, long time… Raven told us about the rats," at this, Starfire shuddered. "We are watching movies of comedy and enjoying Cheesy Poufs and Baking Soda, would you like to join us?"

Cyborg shuddered. After seeing the snack foods spared in the grocery store, and after having a few minutes to think over what, exactly, that might mean, he was _not_ really looking forward to eating them. Baking Soda in and of itself seemed a little more appetizing.

"Well, at the very least I'd like to go back to the Tower… and actually _sit down_…" Cyborg said quietly.

Starfire nodded and clapped her hands. And then she stopped, a puzzled look coming over her face. "Uhm… Cyborg? That is not normal, is it?"

Cyborg turned around. A massive, mechanical bull, puffing smoke and flames from its nostrils, was bearing down the street at them, its shoulders bumping the buildings alongside it, the wheels- it ground along like a tank instead of actually walking on four legs- crushing cars left and right. "No… no Star, that's not normal."

The bull snorted flame from its nostrils- like flamethrowers, fire rocketed down towards the pair. Starfire dodged nimbly to one side, and Cyborg jumped out of the way- flames licked across the concrete, leaving black, charred rubble in its way. Cyborg lifted his hand and fired off a massive blast of energy from his sonic cannon- that hit the metal bull's armor… and glanced off harmlessly. "Eek!" Starfire yelped, as the energy sluiced off, nearly striking her. "Terrible beast!" She shouted, and threw a starbolt at the machine. The starbolt reflected off harmlessly, bouncing off and grinding into the side of a building, leaving a steaming hole in its wake.

The enormous machine bucked its head wildly- the side of one horn struck Starfire in the stomach. She tumbled helplessly through the air- Cyborg rushed forward to try and catch her, but the enormous machine was already firing off another blast of flames. Cyborg dove out of the way- Starfire landed on top of him- and the Photoshop went up in flames.

"NOOO!!!" Cyborg screamed, rushing straight for the bull and punching it right where the monster's chest would be. An enormous metallic clang resounded through the city streets- Cyborg stumbled a few steps backwards, shaking wildly. He grabbed his hand. "OW!"

Flames leapt up eagerly from the Photoshop- the clerk went running from the store, screaming. Starfire had gotten to her feet after being dumped ingloriously off of Cyborg, and had taken to the air, drawing the bull's fire. Flames dissipated harmlessly in midair, and Starfire grinned and stuck her tongue out at the bull. "I am sorry, but your aim is not very good!" She taunted.

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Cyborg screamed incoherently. He grabbed the tread on one of the bull's wheels, pulling as hard as he could- part of snapped off, but the bull was still grinding slowly forward, and Cyborg was forced to retreat before he was crushed alive.

He had just gotten the picture into the Photoshop! Now it was certainly in flames… ruined forever… Cyborg's sonic cannon fired again, at point-blank range- the energy reflected off of its steel hide- straight back into Cyborg's chest. Once he extracted himself from the building across the street, the bull had once again taken down Starfire- she had managed to clip off one of its horns, though- the sparking, metallic extremity was lying, forgotten, behind it on the street. Cyborg grinned. "I have an idea, Star- keep it busy!" He exclaimed.

Starfire was darting back and forth, flames hot on her tail. If she heard him, she didn't give any sign… she was _already_ a little too busy keeping the bull occupied to worry about… keeping the bull occupied.

Cyborg skirted around the treads of the mechanical bull, and then picked up the massive horn. It was easily three times longer than he was… but he wielded it like anyone else would swing a baseball bat. Cyborg took the tip of it in both hands, spun around, and then let the horn fly- it struck the bull directly in it back, between the two treads- sparks flew, and a massive explosion rocked the monster. Flame poured helplessly out of its nostrils.

The severed horn fell sluggishly back to the ground, pulling a few shreds of metal after it. A doorway was easily visible, though… Cyborg sprinted towards the doorway, grabbed it and easily ripped it off- with the super-structure of the bull weakened, it gave into to his super strength with little fuss.

The half-robot man lunged into the darkened inner bowels of the bull. Machinery sparked and hummed on either side of him- Cyborg lashed out with both hands, destroying as he went. He could hear the grind of the treads and the spit of the flamethrower- as well as explosions as the bull ran over cars and as Starfire launched her starbolts at its otherwise impenetrable hide.  

Despite the fact that he was deep inside the monstrosity, nothing had yet attacked him, or stopped his forward progress. His growing suspicions were only confirmed as he finally came upon the control room- there was no one there. A joy-stick like contraption was moving of its own volition- a flickering, damaged television screen showed the tendrils of flame as the licked the sky and attempted to burn Starfire. "Shoddy defenses," Cyborg mumbled to himself, and reached forward to grab the joystick. He had played enough video games that he would have no trouble driving this thing… out of the city, or somewhere…

…his fingers barely grazed the joystick, when Starfire's starbolts finally burst through the bull's metal hide. Cyborg's luck held- the starbolt hit him directly in the chest and propelled him across the control room into the wall.

The bull ground to a slow, protesting halt, the sound of its scraping treads fading away as the last sounds echoed through the bull's metal chassis. Cyborg slowly sat up, rubbing at his head, and Starfire came rocketing through the massive, smoking hole she had just made. "Oh, Cyborg! I am so sorry!" Starfire shouted.

"Please… not so loud…" Cyborg mumbled. His head was still ringing.

Starfire nodded sympathetically, touching his arm. The sounds of police sirens and the wailing of fire trucks could be heard growing ever louder… Cyborg sighed deeply. "I want to go home…" he mumbled pathetically. "My head hurts…"

Starfire nodded again. "Yes, we will return to our home, and you can rest, friend Cyborg."

Cyborg sighed in contentment. "Good, because I'm awfully tired…" he mumbled. "It's been a long… long day…" 


	9. The Man Eating Horses of Diomedes

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: Don't own, don't own, don't OWN. _

_A/N: The last chapter was short because I'm lazy. This chapter will be short. Also because I'm lazy. The next chapter will also be short. Guess why? No… this story is not done, nor is it close to being done. And you're right- Hercules didn't have to do this labors all in one day, and neither does Cyborg. (Or me, for that matter- please don't pester me to update, it doesn't help.)_

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**The Man-Eating Horses of Diomedes**

~~~~~

 By the time Cyborg and Starfire finally made it back to the Tower, night had fallen dramatically. As had most of the city. It turned out the enormous mechanical bull had done quite a bit of damage before it had happened upon the two super-heroes… 

…and no one really knew who had been behind it.

Robin had come to his own conclusions, of course- Slade. Even before Cyborg had finished telling them what had happened, the villain's name had exploded from between Robin's lips. While Slade did seem to be behind just about everything that happened in their little city, a giant mechanical bull just didn't seem his style. Cyborg personally thought it was Gizmo… but the midget villain was behind bars, and he always had to be around to see what kind of effect his gadgets had on the people he was terrorizing.

So they were stuck. They had no idea who was behind the giant bull… and Cyborg, at least, didn't care. He wanted to sleep. The half-robot stretched out on the couch, hands behind his head, and stared at the ceiling. Waiting for his adrenaline levels to drop, so that he could fall unconscious and finally get some sleep.

The phone rang in the other room- a green cheetah went flying past, paws pumping, and the ringing stopped. Cyborg could hear- but didn't really pay much attention to- Beast Boy's exuberant answers to the caller's questions.

And for one minute, there was silence. Then, Beast Boy came racing into the room, a piece of paper clutched in his hand and a huge grin devouring most of his face. "Cyborg has a da-ate! Cyborg has a da-ate!"

"What?" Cyborg yelped, sitting bolt upright.

Beast Boy's grin grew, if anything, even larger. He waggled the piece of paper in Cyborg's face- not even looking slightly dismayed at the horrible expression of the other Titan when he snatched it. "Yeah, some girl just called. Don't worry, I set up _everything_," the green changeling exclaimed.

"You- what- who," Cyborg spluttered. He grabbed Beast Boy by the front of his costume and shook him. "_What were you thinking?_"

Despite his unfavorable current conditions, and the fact that he knew perfectly well why he was in them, Beast Boy looked nonplussed. "That you need to get out more."

Cyborg growled in frustration. Beast Boy sweat-dropped, and then slipped nimbly out of Cyborg's grip. "I wrote down everything you need to know- don't worry," he said. The piece of paper bounced off of Beast Boy's head. "Dude, that is _so_ not cool..."

Sulkily, Cyborg picked back up the piece of paper. The call had been from Emily- how she had managed to recover so quickly from being held hostage by origami swans, Cyborg wasn't sure. It was admirable, though- _he_ wasn't even fully recovered from that whole… fiasco. Cyborg sighed deeply, and devoted the contents of the piece of paper to memory. Beast Boy hadn't done _all_ bad… Cyborg _was_ looking forward to a date… just not so soon.

The piece of paper bounced off of Beast Boy's forehead again. Beast Boy scowled and stuck out his tongue. 

"You're lucky that I don't feel motivated enough to actually stand up," Cyborg muttered, tapping two of his metal-coated fingers together. 

"Heh heh… like you could even get up anyway… you big lug!" The green changeling exclaimed tauntingly.

Cyborg was on his feet in an instant- Beast Boy had already turned to make a break for it. He was suddenly in the form of a cheetah- and made it three steps before Cyborg had a hold of his tail. Beast Boy screeched in pain, fur on edge… and was suddenly in the form of a rhino.

"Er…" Cyborg began… not letting go of the changeline's tail, of course.

Beast Boy lowered his head, beady eyes gleaming, and snorted. Then he turned around and began his rampaging- dragging Cyborg along behind him.

Cyborg was unwilling to let go, and lose face… and sighed in relief when he saw Beast Boy approaching the doorway to the dining room. Beast Boy was a little crazy, but he wouldn't put a hole in the Tower- and the rhino was clearly too big to fit through the doorway.

Beast Boy saw that too- he snorted again, and was suddenly a green horse. Cyborg clung to the tail for dear life as Beast Boy galloped through the doorway, shouting in dismay as the emerald equine bounded over the dining-room table, using Cyborg to clear most everything off of it. Beast Boy ran in wide, rampaging circles around the room, crashing Cyborg alternately against the wall and the various appliances that populated the room.

It was then that Starfire came rocketing into the room, waving something in one hand. "Friend Cyborg! I have located the negatives! We can use these to- oh!"

Beast Boy's shoulder bumped into her hand, at full gallop, and knocked the negatives right from her fingertips. At the exact same time, Cyborg let go- he went flying. Luckily, Starfire was there to break his fall… the two landed in a heap as Beast Boy reared, neighing wildly, in an attempt to stop himself before he collided with the wall. No such luck- green equine was plastered against the wall, followed shortly after by the changeling sitting on the ground, rubbing his head and groaning.

Cyborg spotted the negative- lying in all of its black and brown glory directly on top of what remained of the pizza the other Titans had had for dinner.

He reached out one hand towards it- at that exact moment, an enormous green T-Rex foot stomped down on top of it. Beast Boy stared challengingly down at Cyborg- he probably hadn't even realized he had stepped on the picture, let alone the pizza; he was more concerned with getting revenge for having his tail pulled, and eventually being run full-speed into the wall.   
  
"Grrr," Beast Boy said, looking quite pleased with himself.

  
Cyborg had never beaten up a T-Rex before. He found it an invigorating experience.


	10. Hippolyte's Belt

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: I honestly do not own Teen Titans, though I would really like to. I do own the character of Emily. I'm sure you guys _really_ want her, too…_

_A/N: No, really- it's relevant._

~~~~~

**Hippolyte's**** Belt**

~~~~~

He had dreams about beating up Beast Boy all night. After severely cowing the green changeling, he and Starfire had found the negative tattered beyond repair. Cyborg had chased Beast Boy from the room- the last time they had seen him, he had been hiding on the roof. After Robin spent a fair remainder of the rest of the night making photography-related wise cracks, Cyborg had finally been able to get some rest.

He woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day. And he knew exactly why… he had a date. A date!

All thanks to Beast Boy's stupidity, of course.

He moved restlessly about all day, shining his armor, updating his internal circuitry with the snappiest lines, and basically stressing out over the whole ordeal. After all, he hadn't gone on an actual _date_ in… well… _forever_. The half-cybernetic angle tended to turn most girls off.

 He went, he picked her up, and they drove over to the restaurant. Emily was a rather feeble communicator- either she was terrified, or the hang-dog, worried, 'I'm going to die' look was her default expression. 

Dinner… dinner was a good idea for a first date. Even before their food arrived, though, they had pretty much run out of ordinary, every day topics to talk about… Cyborg, at least at the moment, didn't want to talk about being a superhero unless his date brought it up, and she apparently didn't have anything… at all… to say.

A long moment of awkward silence followed.

Robin appeared at Cyborg's elbow just then. "We need to talk," he said.

Cyborg blinked. He glanced over at his date, and then back at Robin. "What… _now_?" He demanded, a little relieved for the interruption… but he wasn't about to let Emily know that.

Robin nodded. "It's important," he said. Cyborg sighed, and followed Robin out of the main dining room, into the kitchen. As soon as they were out of earshot of Cyborg's date, Robin began talking urgently. "Okay, so I took the liberty of looking into your date…"

"Gee, thanks."

"And it turns out that she's a lunatic," Robin delivered this calmly.

Cyborg glanced past the team leader into the next room. Emily was patiently fiddling with her glass. She scratched her cheek. The clerk looked bored… maybe a little nervous, but that was it. The half-metal man turned his attention slowly back to Robin. "Reaaaaally," he drawled, "That's funny. Because she doesn't look like a psycho to me."

Robin nodded sharply. "That's right- rehabilitated in Arkham for two years. They called her the Black Widow- she had a special toxin in her saliva that was either poisonous or turned people's brains into mush."

"Mush?" Cyborg repeated incredulously. 

The Boy Wonder nodded emphatically. "Mush. And I think she also ate some of them."

Cyborg rolled his non-cybernetic eye. "Look, Robin, I appreciate you going out of your way to be all _paranoid_ on me, but I met her behind the desk of a _craft store_. That doesn't seem like the height of villainy to me."

"Maybe it was an _evil_ craft store," Robin suggested.

"It wasn't," Cyborg growled, with narrowing eyes. 

Robin looked confused. "But aren't attacking origami swans evi-"

Cyborg pushed Robin towards the service exit. "Really, I think I have it under control…"

"But she's-" Robin began, before the door closed behind him. Cyborg wiped his hands together in satisfaction, turning around and heading back out into the dining hall. The cook watched him go with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Sorry about that," Cyborg said, sitting back down and trying not to look one bit paranoid, "Important super-hero stuff."

Emily leaned forward, looking excited. Still extremely nervous, but excited at the same time… it had to be her eyes that made her look so nervous. She was really confusing him. "You must do important super hero stuff like that all the time."

Cyborg resisted the urge to puff up his chest importantly. "Well, I don't like to brag…"

He didn't like to… but he did. The entire meal. 

As the two made their way back to the car, walking in utter silence up the quiet, warm streets, Cyborg reflected on some of the more idiotic things he had managed to say during the date. It wasn't his fault… Emily would hardly respond to him. Maybe she was shy… that had to be it. He kind of liked her. He glanced over at her… she looked like she was afraid she was going to die. Cyborg grinned to himself… some lunatic! Robin must have gotten his sources crossed.  Either that or he was jealous that Cyborg had a date, and a date that wasn't an alien, either.

She looked really worried though… almost terrified. "You alright?" He finally asked. Where was the car? He grumbled to himself… didn't he leave it right at the corner?

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Emily replied quietly. She shot him a grin- but that didn't make her look any less terrified. Cyborg hesitantly returned the smile.

Then he turned back to the task of finding his car. "Didn't… I thought we parked here…"

"The corner of Elm and 3rd- yeah. This is it."

"Then where's the car?" Cyborg kept his voice calm… inside he was having a bit of a nervous break down. If some thugs stole his car… when he was on a _date_… he would destroy ever car-jacking ring in the city with his bare hands. That was all there was to it. Death and mayhem would rain down upon all the criminals in the…

…someone broke a board over his head.

Cyborg stumbled backwards, and then turned around to see just who was stupid enough to hit someone who clearly had a metal skull. There were two of them- one was trying to drag off his date, the other was staring at the broken pieces of the board with uncertainty.

"You picked the wrong date to ruin," Cyborg growled. He grabbed both pieces of the board and repeated the previously failed maneuver on the goon, and then grabbed the other guy and bounced him off of the side of the nearby building. Neither one got back up… that had been kind of simple.

"Are you okay?" Cyborg asked, turning worriedly back towards Emily.

She didn't look terrified, not anymore. "Oh, you were so _brave_!" She exclaimed.

Cyborg resisted the urge to flex and show off some more. "Well, I'm a superhero. Fighting crime is what I do," he said cheerfully. He turned back towards the two fallen goons, trying to figure out if he should just leave them here, or drag them to the jail, or what.

He felt Emily's breath on the back of his neck. "_So_ brave," she repeated. 

There was a rather pleasant tingling sensation on the back of his neck as she kissed it. "What are you doing?" Cyborg began.

That was when she bit him.

He was unconscious before he hit the ground.


	11. Geryon's Cattle

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. Wait- I own the Black Widow. Otherwise I don't own any of this._

_A/N: Yes, I realize that the 'Black Widow' is a common name in super hero-dom, but this particular one is different than all the others, wouldn't you say? At least, she will be. This is the chapter that I'm most interested in your opinions of; did it work? No, Emily is not based directly off of any character from greek Mythology, though she has aspects of many different mythological figures. _

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**Geryon's**** Cattle**

~~~~~

Cyborg slowly, very slowly, came to. When he was fully conscious, the first thing he noticed was that he was strung up on a table, the circuits in his arms and legs disconnected so he was basically paralyzed. He now had a massive headache as well… he felt like a marching band was storming through his head, using his brain as their drums. 

The second thing he noticed was his previous date sitting on a black, spider-web like chair across from him, grinning evilly. She was wearing a costume now- black, bare midriff, with a bright red hour-glass tattoo easily visible on her stomach… Black Widow indeed. Cyborg swore loudly, repeatedly, and mostly at her. Robin was _never_ going to let him live this down…

"You men are so gullible…" Emily said with a huge grin.

Cyborg noticed the two goons he had 'saved' her from earlier wandering around in the background. They now also wore the black uniform, with red hourglasses stitched onto the fronts… Cyborg twitched his shoulders wildly, just about the only part of him he could move. When he got his hands on her…

The Black Widow rolled her eyes. Disturbingly enough, even though she was grinning and in obvious control of the situation, the nervous look had yet to fade. It made her look innocent, and harmless, and that made Cyborg feel even stupider for having been captured. He glowered at her. "Look, stop struggling. It's pointless. I'll let you go as soon as I'm finished cannibalizing you," she mumbled, and stood up, moving towards some of the controls alongside him, fiddling with things with practiced ease.

"Look… Emily… was the dinner _really_ that bad?" Cyborg asked plaintively. 

She grinned and kissed him delicately on the cheek. "No, it was marvelous. Thanks for the swell time, honey. I'd tell you to call me, but that won't be an option very soon, now will it?" And then she sashayed from the room.

Cyborg struggled a little more with the bonds. He glared at the two henchmen. "You people are working for a twenty year old cannibal! _What's wrong with you?_" He screamed at them. That didn't seem to have much of an effect on them… they continued their mysterious ministrations on the machines before them. One of them picked up a broom and began sweeping. Cyborg growled in frustration, struggled some more with his unresponsive joints, and desperately hoped that his teammates would decide he had been gone for far too long and come looking for him.

Until the imminent rescue, however, he was on his own. And he didn't want what little flesh he had left to be eaten by a craft-store salesgirl. That would be… not good. 

A few minutes dragged past in near-silence. Cyborg struggled to try and reconnect his arms and legs to his body… he knew he could break these bonds easily if he could get his full strength behind him. Right now he could probably tear himself free… and then he would be a helpless torso laying there, flopping. The worst he could do was _maybe_ bite somebody if they got close enough. Cyborg gave that option some thought… it really wasn't acceptable. He did not want to be a flopping torso.

Emily came sauntering back in, a huge pile of rather nasty, pointy instruments clutched in her arms. She set them down on the table, picked one up, and played with the tip. Cyborg hoped it was poisoned, and that she would cut herself.

No such luck either way. 

"Look, Emily," Cyborg said hastily as she approached him, pointy implement held high, "I think you're moving too fast. I never devour my partner on the first date." 

"I'm glad you find this funny," the Black Widow replied, smiling vibrantly. Her lips were an especially deep red… like she had been drinking blood. It smelled like it, too. Cyborg shuddered, and struggled frantically against the paralysis in his arms and legs. "I'm enjoying myself, too."

She raised the knife-like weapon over her head- and at that exact moment, a birdarang came flying out of nowhere, hitting the knife and sending it plunging straight at Cyborg's head. He twisted aside just in time to miss being impaled. "HEY!" He yelped.

The Black Widow wheeled around to face Cyborg's teammates as the four of them came rushing into the room. Beast Boy, as a gorilla, let into the henchman on the right, Starfire the henchman on the left, and Raven headed straight for the Black Widow. Robin rushed over to stand in front of the captured Cyborg. "I _told_ you she was a lunatic," he said accusingly.

"Yes, yes, you're right, I'm wrong, I'm dating a cannibal, never will I doubt you again, Oh Glorious Robin! Now will you _please_ get me out of this?" Cyborg shouted back, only a wee bit hysterical.

Robin was still staring at him… particularly the bite on his neck. "That is one hell of a hickey."

"ROBIN!"

Robin unhooked the bonds, and Cyborg went sliding helplessly out. Robin quickly set to work reconnecting the circuits in one of his arms- and then he bounded away to help his teammates against the droves of hour-glass costumed henchman that were now pouring out of the passageways. Cyborg set to work fixing himself up the rest of the way- casually punching one of the henchmen in the groin when they tried to hit him while he was down.

Raven cried out in pain and sank to her knees as the Black Widow struck her once violently across the chest with her claws- apparently they were poisoned too. And then the villainess took off, disappearing down one of the side passageways, leaving her inept henchman to hold back the Titans. Cyborg leapt to his feet, stumbled for a moment, and then started down the hallway after her.

"Cyborg!" Robin shouted, his pole swinging expertly, nearly too fast to see.

Cyborg shook his head. "I've got it under control," he said, and rushed straight up the hallway. Into some spider webs. He thrashed violently to get them off- and that was when he heard the screaming.

There were oddly shaped… _human_ shaped bundles strewn across the floor, and a few of them were moving. A little nervously, Cyborg approached one, and ripped it open- a ghastly white, though clearly alive, face stared back. "HELP! SHE'S INSANE!"  

"Uggh… did _everyone_ know that but me?" Cyborg growled in annoyance. "Don't worry, I'll get you guys out of here," Cyborg said, yanking the tough webbing off of the Black Widow's victims who were still alive.

Where had she gotten this webbing anyway? She looked like a normal human, but here there were spider webs everywhere… and she had gathered together all of these people like cattle. She was completely deranged, and for once Cyborg was glad he hadn't listened to Robin… if he hadn't come down here, these cattle would have eventually been led to the slaughter.

He sent the captives running up the hallway in the direction he had come from- by now, his teammates would probably be pretty close to getting rid of the henchmen. That left the Black Widow for him… for a moment, he had almost forgotten about her.

That proved to be a mistake on his part- as he turned the corner of the twisting hallway, he found himself suddenly suspended on another of her webs… and she came slipping out of the darkness, a vile smile on her face.

"Silly, _silly_ Cyborg. Did you actually think you could stop me down here in my own lair? I know these halls… all of their crevices… most importantly, I know when to duck," she gloated, slipping back and forth, her sad eyes gleaming with seemingly unnatural malice. "It was so nice of you… to come _save_ me from Mumbo… and not check the rest of the store," she suddenly had the nametag in her hand, and spun it expertly between her fingers. "_Emily was_ _delicious_…"

It was then the webbing gave way, and Cyborg tumbled ingloriously to the ground. He was up in half a second, one hand wrapped around the Black Widow's throat. "You villains talk too much," he growled. Her claws snapped onto his arm, but could do no damage to the circuitry- one of the poison stingers snapped. Cyborg grinned confidently. "And you dress _horribly_. That is one ugly ass tattoo."

He was kind of strangling her- at the moment, Cyborg could care less. "I-it's not a t-tattoo," she choked out.

Suddenly her abdomen and legs were stretching out, bulging out hideously behind her. Cyborg was thrown back by two pairs of spindly, hairy, and claw tipped legs. He hit the wall hard, and by the time he had gathered himself together, the Black Widow's transformation was complete. She was a human from the waist up… below, however, was the disproportionately large body of a black widow spider. The hourglass symbol burned a brilliant scarlet on the ebony flesh… "Robin failed to mention this part…" Cyborg said quietly.

The Black Widow's spindly legs powered her forward, the front two grabbing Cyborg and lifting him off of the ground, and throwing him against the far wall. He hit hard, leaving a crack in the concrete- again, the spider was upon him, throwing him across the room.

He could take the hits. He just had the oddest feeling that if she bit him now, he'd be done for. 

Slowly, the half-robot stood up, turning around and facing the Black Widow. "You make one _ugly_ spider, too…"

The Black Widow screeched, clawed legs lashing down towards him- he caught them, but was driven backwards by the sheer mass of the half-spider creature. "You are the most boring date I've ever had!" She growled back. Two more pairs of legs lashed at Cyborg, tearing thin holes in his armor, and knocking him backwards.

"Yeah, blame it on me- talking to you is like talking to a chair. A _stupid_ chair!" Cyborg exclaimed, drawing back for a punch that hit the Black Widow directly in the red hourglass design. She stumbled backwards, and then leapt at him again, spinners firing, fine gossamer thread spinning out over him, pinning him to the wall.

She leaned down with a growl, fangs bared, ready to bite. "All you did was talk about yourself. Ego trip, anybody?" 

Cyborg managed to rip free one arm- so she bit the metal armor instead of his vulnerable flesh. She drew backwards, and Cyborg tore himself free once again, powerful fists sending the Black Widow flying. She wasn't built for graceful landings- she somewhat rolled, but made it back to her feet, and powered towards him, leaping into the air and landing directly on top of him, the sheer bulk of the spider's form smashing him to the ground. She would have crushed him if not for his metal armor… well, and the sonic cannon.

It powered up, and he pushed it into the spider's bulbous stomach. There was a long, long pause from the monster. The humming of the cannon preparing to fire echoed clearly throughout the chamber, even with her massive bulk muffling the sound.

"Okay, okay, okay. You win."


	12. The Apples of Hesperides

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, I'd also like to own the world. But I don't, and consequently, the world is not mine. The Black Widow is, though. At least this particular rendition of her. As seen in earlier chapters._

_A/N: I'm SO sorry I've been gone for so long. I actually have a fairly good excuse, involving this computer having no internet access. Now you can expect an update every few days until this baby is done._

**The Apples of Hesperides**

Robin would not shut up about the whole 'dating the cannibal' thing.

Beast Boy wouldn't shut up about the hickey… well, it was technically a ghastly bite wound, but all of the Titans insisted on calling it 'Cyborg's Cannibal Hickey.'

Really, the "hickey" Cyborg could live with. It would probably get infected unless he scoured it with anti-bacterial agents… already it was puffy and painfully red. But he felt he had gotten the better part of the deal- there had been at least ten corpses in the Black Widow's nest, plus however many she had killed and left topside, like the salesgirl whose name she had stolen.

That was probably what was bothering Cyborg the most… who _was_ Emily? What unlucky circumstances put her in the way of the Black Widow's sick tastes?

He sighed, and slumped down in his chair. The rest of the team had gradually quieted down once they realized that Cyborg was actually honestly upset. Raven was still bed-ridden; the venom was mostly gone, and she was quite certain she could move on her own, but Robin was being especially domineering and so Raven stayed put.

And the photograph… no one had even brought it up. Cyborg found himself thinking about it… the photograph was the only reason these last two days even happened… and he was glad that Starfire seemed to have forgotten about it. Or maybe… he glanced over in her direction… she was waiting until the most inopportune moment possible to bring it back up. That was Starfire's style.

No, not really… he was just being bitter. Cyborg sighed, and reached over to the table, reaching for the remote control. Nothing… it had disappeared. Cyborg sighed again, even louder this time, and got down off of the couch on all fours. He couldn't see anything under the table- he groped underneath the couch, but the remote wasn't under there, either. What rotten luck… first corpses, now a lost remote. He'd have to do it the old fashioned way… Cyborg stood up and stormed over to the television. He slammed the 'power' button so hard the TV actually seemed to splutter in protest as it flickered on.

"Sorry… if I have to have a bad day, there's no reason for you to have a good one," Cyborg grumbled irritably, and flopped down on the couch again.

Whoever had watched the TV last had it set to the News… Cyborg didn't particularly feel like getting up to change it, so the news it was. The weather was on… partly cloudy, with a chance of rain… high of 60… actually, it seemed like a fairly pleasant day out. It was too bad that he was going to spend it inside… being angry… oh well.

The television flipped to commercials. Cyborg listened with only half an ear… he could care less what kind of laundry detergent was 'in' this week.

His mind wandered for a few minutes- and then gun shots sounded, close. Cyborg jumped, tipping the couch over backwards… the gun shots had stopped, and now a thick German accent declared "I'll be back." It had been a trailer for an upcoming movie. Cyborg sighed, stood up and righted the couch. He was far too jumpy. And why shouldn't he be? These past two days had been more eventful than an entire _week_ usually was.

Starfire entered the room, looking timid. She was carrying a huge bowl in her hands. "Friend Cyborg?" She asked, hesitantly.

Cyborg turned towards her. For some reason, the last person he wanted to deal with right now was Starfire, but he couldn't exactly tell her to 'get lost' either, no matter how much he wanted to. "What is it, Starfire?" Cyborg asked in a satisfying brusque manner, hoping she'd get the hint and leave.

She didn't do either. She approached him carefully, as if he were a dangerous snake that might bite, and offered the bowl to him. "It is the Tamaran Pudding of Sadness. Perhaps its horrible taste will help you to feel better about recent terrible events?"

"No, Starfire, I think this one will just take time," Cyborg replied, waving the bowl away. Time… this would be burned into his memory like a file saved to a computer. It'd take more than just time, it'd take a total system reboot. He sighed, and sat back down, reaching for the remote but of course not finding it. "Time, is all."

"It is very… worrying? … that you are upset about this, friend Cyborg… we do not understand it," Starfire said. She sat down next to him, and put the bowl of pudding on the table.

Cyborg sighed. This meant that his teammates had been talking about him behind his back… and that they had elected Starfire to be the one to 'make him feel better.' Sometimes, he had to wonder what his teammates were thinking… "Time and _quiet_," he clarified.

But Starfire would not be deterred. "Are you upset because of the ruined date?"

"That could be part of it," Cyborg snorted.

"Once in Tamaran, a childhood companion of mine had much the similar situation. She-"

Cyborg really didn't want to deal with this… any of this. "Your friend dated a cannibal who stole someone else's identity and used it to attempt to eat her?" He stood up.

"Well, no…" Starfire frowned, and scratched her arm. "Okay, so perhaps it is not _exactly_ similar…"

"Look, Star, I appreciate what you're trying to do- really. But I just need some time alone, alright?" he turned and stormed out of the room. He had to get away from the Tower… back into the city. He used his T-Car to get across the water, but once he was there he parked it and started walking.

If anything, though, the city was even more annoying than Starfire's mangled words of wisdom. There was no signs of any sort of devastation around this part- the bull and everything else had been on the other side of the river. But still… Cyborg sighed. He didn't even know what he was thinking anymore. It was probably a good thing he got away from the Tower, though… he might have had to start whaling on people in order to calm himself down. Out here, he could control himself a little more.

It started to rain. Water danced across his armor, splashing against the metal covering him. "Oh… perfect, just perfect," Cyborg snarled to no one in particular.

He couldn't take anymore bad luck! He just couldn't!

"Come on! _Come on!_ You think this'll make things worse? You're doing a damn bad job! Come on, bring it on! _SHOW ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT!_" Cyborg screamed at the sky.

He stormed over to the side of a nearby building, standing under the awning, water dripping off of him. Thunder rumbled menacingly in the sky. "Yeah, that's right, you don't got anything else," he grumbled.

Lightning suddenly sluiced through the sky, dancing across the middle of the street right across from him. The blast didn't stop, however… it was a sustained bolt of energy… a bolt that began to darken, to turn blood red… the asphalt began to heat as well, glowing red… it began to melt, dropping down, disappearing into what appeared to be an enormous hole.

There was a deep, rumbling growl from deep underneath the city… steam exploded from the ground in one hideous snort. A paw the size of a truck tire slammed down on the concrete; fur black as tar, nails jagged black nubs…

Cyborg's eye widened despite himself.

That's what he got for challenging fate.


	13. Cerberus

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans… I don't own Greek Mythology. I also don't own the internet, which explains why I wasn't posting earlier. Really. Honestly._

_A/N: Shorter chapter. But at least it's there!_

**Cerberus **

Cyborg stared in shock as an oily black muzzle pushed through the ever widening hole in the concrete. The lips pulled away from yellowed fangs and the nose sniffed at the air, blowing more steam into the rain. A second paw appeared at the hole, and the creature started to pull itself up out of the dirt.

Cyborg didn't waste another moment. He rushed forward- and proceeded to stomp on the nearest paw. "You. Are. Not. Ruining. Another. Day. For. Me!" Cyborg shouted, each word accepted by a stomp.

The creature yelped- thrice. It didn't yelp three times, though, so much as… three times at once. A serpent like thread, lacking any actual eyes, darted at Cyborg, hitting him in the chest. It struck with a lot more strength than Cyborg would have expected- knocking him onto his back. The paws again gained purchase and a gigantic dog head pulled itself from the hole… followed by another… and then another…

Three slavering jaws, six glowing red eyes… three heads on one body, and all of them glaring down at Cyborg as the dog tried to pull itself free from the hole.

A semester of mythology and two viewings of Hercules told him exactly who this was…

…Cerberus…

"Oh… oh boy… nice doggy, nice doggy," Cyborg stammered, and started crawling backwards. The left head lowered towards him, jaws wide- Cyborg lifted his foot, and the blaster on the bottom of his foot fired, hitting the dog in the mouth. It yelped loudly, and both heads swiveled in that direction… and then oriented on Cyborg once again. "Nice doggy?" Cyborg repeated weakly.

He dove to one side as the two remaining heads snapped for him. In a second he was on his feet, and retreating up the street. "Titans! Come in! I _really_ could use some help over here," he spat into his communicator.

Cerberus had pulled itself free from the street, and was slowly stretching. It was about the size of a small bus, and built thicker than a bull dog. It had two dragon-like tails that were now lashing back and forth, and a back full of oily black, eyeless snakes.

Three heads barked viciously- apparently, the one he had shot had already recovered. And then Cerberus was bounding towards Cyborg, jaws wide. Its shoulder hit a car, and sent it flying through the front wall of a nearby building.

Cyborg snarled. "I told ya'll not to mess with me today," he growled. He leveled his sonic cannon. The blast hit the middle head right between the eyes- the dog yelped and stumbled backwards… leaving it vulnerable.

The half-robot rushed in. One arm wrapped around the dog's left head- he half yanked the monster onto its side. Cyborg had almost pulled the creature down when a terrible rattling sound filled his ears and sensors. A dozen hissing snakes coiled around the half-robot, throwing him to the ground.

Rather than rolling out from under its slamming paws, Cyborg tried a trick he had learned earlier- he shoved his sonic cannon into Cerberus's stomach. Cerberus wasn't about to surrender, however… so Cyborg just fired. Cerberus went flying backwards, landing on its stomach.

That had worked fairly well… Cyborg rushed forward once again, plowing into the middle head with one shoulder. The dog went sliding backwards… back down the hole it had come up from. "Boo yah!" Cyborg exclaimed, watching the creature fall into the pit of flames now festering in the middle of main street.

A pair of snakes suddenly rocketed from the hole… and wrapped around Cyborg's waist and shoulders. With a shout of surprise and a bit of panic, Cyborg was pulled in after the dog.

For what seemed like ages, Cyborg and Cerberus plummeted. When they finally hit the ground, the dog broke Cyborg's fall… not that that was exactly a bonus. The mutt was bonier than anything Cyborg had ever felt before… it was like landing on broken metal. He shoved the rubbery snakes off of him, and rolled off Cerberus with a groan, completely winded, his metal chassis dented in more place than one. That had hurt… hurt _badly_… and he wasn't entirely sure he was going to be able to climb up out of here on his own.

Where was he? Cyborg looked around. Complete darkness- he flipped on his shoulder light. This was some sort of cave… it certainly wasn't the city's sewer system… much too dry. His light illuminated a series of drawings on one of the walls. Curious, Cyborg walked over… the pictures looked oddly familiar.

There was a hydra drawn there… a lion black as night… there was an enormous tree, apples sketched into the branches, there was a boar with red on its tusks, and a series of horses drawing a skeleton in a chariot. Cyborg shuddered… all of the red seemed like it had been drawn with real blood, and drawn recently… wherever he was, it wasn't somewhere nice. Well, obviously, if Cerberus had come from here…

… it was then he saw the last drawing on the wall. It was of Cerberus, but not just of Cerberus… also of himself. At least, it looked like him, and there were few mythological figures with metal body parts. His cave-drawing self was trapped under the paws of the three-headed dog… it was a little creepy.

At least that stupid dog was dead, though…

A familiar rank breath heated the back of his neck. Cyborg spun around, his sonic cannon already charging, but two massive paws slammed down on either of Cyborg's arms, trapping him, and a colossal, slavering pair of jaws was lowered to his face. Cyborg gagged, even through his metal filters… Cerberus's breath stank.

The middle head didn't bite him, even though its teeth were about an inch away, and its drool was dribbling on Cyborg's face. There was a coughing, gagging sound from the middle head… almost like laughter. The stupid dog was laughing at him!

And then, in a voice reminiscent of screeching tires… "Nice hickey."


	14. Redemption

**_The 12 Labors of Cyborg_**

_Disclaimer: You know all of the previous chapters' disclaimers? All the ones that went before? They still hold._

_A/N: Oooh, I'm all a-tingle with anticipation!_

**Redemption**

Cyborg stared, wide eyed, up at the dog… or rather he stared, wide-eyed, up into the dog's slavering fangs. "You… you… you _talked_?" he yelped.

"The man is a genius. Yes, I talk," replied the middle head, calmly enough. The half-robot spluttered, and Cerberus seemed to… sigh. "I can talk- you apparently can't," Cerberus taunted.

Cyborg was getting angry. First this monster came out of nowhere and attacked him, and now it was making fun of him? He scowled.

"I know what you're thinking," Cerberus said after a minute. "And I wouldn't have reacted so harshly if you hadn't stomped on my foot," the dog had affected an air of injured pride, and that made Cyborg want to hurt it… hurt it badly.

"You're kidding me. Magical red lightning burns a hole in the concrete, and I'm suppose to expect the giant three-headed dog coming out of it is friendly?" Cyborg demanded.

Cerberus laughed, each of the three heads rumbling. "Friendly? I never said that."

"So what _did_ you want?" Cyborg demanded.

"You challenged Fate, Cyborg, and Fate doesn't appreciate that kind of cheek," Cerberus' breath was making Cyborg gag… he wasn't sure how much longer he could handle it.

"I was being facetious!" Cyborg shouted.

Yellow fangs glinted in the light from Cyborg's shoulder lamp. "Exactly."

Cyborg scowled, and began to prepare for a massive surge to free himself from Cerberus' paws. "So what're you going to do now… eat me?"

"I was thinking about it," Cerberus answered. "You look like you'd be tough on the stomach though. Maybe I'll just rip you apart and use your armor to pick my t-" the dog's triumphant speech was interrupted as Cyborg's boot cannon fired, point black, into the dog's throat. Cerberus stumbled backwards, coughing and yelping… Cyborg rushed forward, and delivered as powerful a punch as he could directly into Cerberus' fangs.

The fangs shattered, and Cyborg felt his fist plunge up to the elbow in Cerberus' mouth. He pulled his hand out- the teeth had cut some of the human flesh on his fingers, and he was bleeding… but he'd get over it.

Cerberus, though, was still reeling from the blow… apparently, it couldn't shake off being defanged quite as easily as it could shake off the fall. Cyborg fired his sonic cannon again, aiming now for the coiling snakes on its back. A mass of black snakes were sheared from Cerberus' back- the dog bellowed again, and then bounded forward, bloody froth now boiling in all three of its hideous jaws. Its red eyes were absolutely wild- made all the crazier in the unnatural light of Cyborg's shoulder cannon.

Cyborg couldn't stop its charge this time- Cerberus sent him flying. He hit the far wall hard, could feel the impact in every part of his body… he slid to the ground, but forced himself back up again. No. If Fate wanted to make him its punching bag, he'd be punching back. This ended, here and now.

A forest of eyeless serpents exploded from Cerberus' burned back, snapping fangs aiming for Cyborg's flesh. He dove into their roiling masses, punching left and right, grabbing and squeezing anything that got in his way into a pulp. Cerberus' left head suddenly appeared in his vision- he drove his fist forward, straight into the enormous red eye. Cerberus bellowed in pain, lashing its head from side to side, howling.

Cerberus was hurt, but it wasn't going down… not yet. No, it needed more… Cyborg pounded his fist repeatedly into the left head, beating it into the dirt. The middle head snapped at him, but its remaining teeth didn't break through his armor. And then a dozen snakes grabbed him, and once again beat him against the wall. Cyborg shouted in pain- and then in dismay as his shoulder light was broken off. It continued to glow, sustained by some lasting internal energy- but disappeared among the roiling snakes.

But that was alright… he didn't need his human eye to defeat this dog. If anything, it made it that much less intimidating to be facing this monster straight out of Grecian nightmares.

He fired his sonic cannon repeatedly into the roiling mass of eyeless serpents. The light shattered everything it touched… Cerberus faltered, and then the snakes fell to the ground, receding back to the dog's back. Cerberus was gasping through its remaining active head, panting like a mutt left out too long in the sun. Cyborg stormed up to Cerberus, grabbed both of its dragon-like tails in his arms.

"Fate should learn not to play with me," Cyborg said, and spun the dog around by its tails, throwing it against the wall.

Cerberus hit the wall, slamming into the cave-paintings Cyborg had walked before. The rock crumbled under the impact of the massive furry body… Cerberus slumped to the ground, snakes coiling hysterically before going still. The cave-paintings were gone… annihilated… and as Cyborg watched, Cerberus disappeared as well, melting into a bubbling tar.

"Because I play rough."

Cyborg sat down for a moment, letting his body catch up with the machinery. He picked up his fading shoulder lamp from the ground.

It was done.

It was over.

He started the long climb back to the surface.

"Can you please get your elbow out of my face?"

"A little more to the left!"

"Raven- SMILE!"

It was, more or less, a pleasant day for a picnic. The park was full of bird song and kids playing hide and seek; there was the scent of grilling hotdogs and hamburgers on the air, and the breeze was pleasant and cool. Only a few wispy clouds floated across the cerulean blue sky, and none of them blocked the warm face of the beaming sun.

Cyborg was setting up the camera on the tripod, as his teammates tried to get into some sort of formation in front of it. Raven was slinking off towards one edge of the group, as always- probably trying to see if she could get out of the picture entirely. Beast Boy and Robin were both smiling dutifully, obviously more interested in either the hotdogs, or the football that lay right next to them. Starfire was positively beaming.

"Oh, how I love picture day!" She exclaimed.

Cyborg continued grumbling to himself. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he muttered under his breath.

"Come on, Clarice, this is photography, not brain surgery!" Beast Boy shouted at Cyborg. After the 'Cannibal Hickey' had faded, Cyborg's teammates had come up with a new 'creative' and 'hilarious' nickname, courtesy of Robin, and wouldn't shut up about it. In fact, Cyborg expected that particular epitaph would stick around for quite some time.

Cyborg stormed over to stand behind the rest of his teammates… giving Beast Boy a nice bop on the head. "Okay, everybody… say cheese!" He said, with forced cheerfulness.

The Teen Titans smiled as one. And nothing happened. For a few minutes, they stood there, forced cheerfulness painted across their faces. "Huh… that's weird," Cyborg began. He slipped from behind the group and started towards the camera.

It flashed as soon as Cyborg left the frame… Cyborg scowled. "Stupid thing," he grumbled, and kicked it.

Of course, the slim tripod didn't fare well against the half-human's colossal strength- one leg snapped, and the camera went plummeting to the ground. Cyborg's heart caught in his throat… he bent down over the remains of the tripod, and the broken camera. A nervous chuckle escaped his lips, and he glanced over towards his teammates. Raven looked unconcerned, but Beast Boy and Robin were practically fuming.

"Cyborg! That was my camera! That cost me like fifty bucks!" Beast Boy shouted.

"You know how long it took me to get that tripod to be perfectly level?" Robin demanded. "Now you'll have to go and get a new one!"

The look of panic on Cyborg's face was classic. Even his red eye seemed to widen. Cyborg picked up the lens of the camera. In its clear glass, he could have sworn he saw six glaring, red eyes…

They heard his hysterical shriek two cities away.

fin


End file.
